If your community group doesn’t have discipleship groups, form them during a family meal.
Taking the members of a community group and helping them form into smaller discipleship groups can feel fuzzy—maybe even a bit overwhelming or risky. But as community groups grow in age, they should grow in relational depth, with the hope that these relationships could grow into discipleship groups. One step you can take is to use the family meal as an opportunity to practice discipleship groups. Either during or after the meal, separate the men and women to share more deeply. It might look like saying, “All the men are going into the kitchen, and the women are going into the den. Talk about what’s been going on in your life, and pray for one another.” Maybe do this every other time you meet. After you do this a few times, people will begin to feel more comfortable being vulnerable around one another, and potential leaders will emerge. You now have the seeds to start multiple potential discipleship groups.
IDENTIFY FACILITATORS
Discipleship groups work best when someone takes on the responsibility to facilitate the group. Facilitators help drive communication, and keep the gatherings focused. Look for the leaders that naturally emerge during your normal gatherings—people who are particularly good at listening to others. People who know how to aim for the heart and move conversations deeper. People who are humble, gentle, patient, and loving (Eph 4:2). They’ve experienced how God’s kindness leads us to repentance, so they avoid using guilt and shame to manage other people’s stuck patterns of sin. On the other hand, they’ve also experienced how the same grace that saves us, changes us, so neither do they excuse other people’s sin. They have a gospel confidence about them that comes out in the calm and thoughtful way they listen, encourage, and walk alongside others who are stuck or hurting. They don’t panic when people around them are sinning and suffering. These are people who will, at the least, do no harm, and who will at the most do a great deal of good. People who live like this are going to emerge in those potential discipleship groups mentioned in the previous point. Once you have identified facilitators, invite them to serve in this role and participate in a Prayer and Planning Meeting to create discipleship groups.
HOST A PRAYER AND PLANNING NIGHT
Follow the section entitled “How Do I Lead a Prayer and Planning Meeting?” under the “Multiplication” section on pages 33-34 of the Community Group Handbook. This section outlines how to plan and communicate a community group multiplication, but the same principles generally apply to starting discipleship groups. Talk to your community group about the importance of discipleship groups. Have a Prayer and Planning Meeting with the community group leaders and prospective facilitators. Out of these steps, create discipleship groups of three or four people, including a facilitator over each.
Encourage everyone to do a little homework before they start
Before you gather for the first time, the discipleship group facilitator should listen to the audio training on how to facilitate a gospel centered discipleship group. In addition, everyone in the discipleship group should set aside time to listen to the audio teaching on the do’s and don’ts of discipleship groups, entitled “Aim for the Heart”. When you gather for the first time, discuss how you were each personally instructed or corrected by that teaching. These trainings can be found here.
Establish confidentiality
Once a new group is formed, discuss confidentiality at the outset. Give each person in the room the opportunity to describe how they understand the mutual commitment they’re making to confidentiality. Decide what you will share or not share with your spouses, if any of you are married. It is important that you not repeat anything that was shared with you in confidence in the context of a discipleship group unless you (1) get permission from the person, or (2) believe there is some potentially harmful or criminal act being perpetrated against them or others, or (3) determine someone is consistently defiant and unrepentant in their sin.
Share life stories
When you first begin to gather as a discipleship group, dedicate time to sharing your stories. Don’t rush through this step. As we know each other more deeply and understand where we have been in our life, we will be able to better disciple one another towards Jesus. It might take several meetings for you to allow everyone to share their story. You can find more information on how to share your story here.
Lead by facilitation
Leadership in a discipleship group is by facilitation, meaning, the leader is a peer who is merely helping to keep conversation moving and focused. The facilitator should never feel more important than the others, or that they need to present a false spirituality. Rather, they should lead by example in recognizing their need and in being vulnerable. Facilitators should regularly communicate any needs or concerns with their community group leaders.
STRIVE FOR CONSISTENCY AND CLARITY
Our goal is that discipleship groups would meet at least twice a month, typically on the second and fourth week of the month. Yet we should recognize that on occasion, people will not be able to come. When you launch a new discipleship group, make it a priority to be there whenever possible. Put it in your calendar. As much as is realistically possible, try and meet on the same day at the same time in the same place. By meeting regularly, we not only maintain relationship, but we can also grow in vulnerability and depth. Avoid canceling. If at least one other person can attend, the facilitator should still meet with them. As we model consistency, we teach our people what they should value and imitate.
When you meet, use the discipleship guide
After the first few gatherings where you share your stories, use the Discipleship Group Guide as a template for your time together. This guide allows everyone to share and prevents anyone from dominating the conversation. You can print off physical copies here.